Perhaps one of the most important choices any individual makes in life is selecting a life partner.

The person whom you choose to marry would affect your life in terms of everything from the routine of your daily existence, to your future, to your family life, your finances, your emotional well-being, and much more. But in spite of all this, most individuals go about making this critical choice largely emotionally driven.

They tend to ask themselves things like:

• Is being around him/her making me feel happy?
• Do they and I share strong chemistry?
• Am I physically drawn to them?
• Do I have feelings of longing for you when you aren’t present?

Each of these is significant on its own but, in the end, they are not enough by themselves.

Your Current Emotions Are Real, but Can Change Over Time

Many people hold the mistaken belief that the feelings they have now will be their enduring feelings.

Actually, feelings are transient. Sometimes there will be periods where you are very much in love with your partner and other times where life gets stressful and overwhelming. Work-related demands and pressures, financial stressors, familial obligations, illness, as well as many other personal factors will always exist; although this may not be a negative factor concerning your relationship, it certainly is indicative of the fact that you are human.

It becomes an issue when a person bases his/her entire relationship on their feelings. If you base everything in a relationship on feelings, then every time feelings dip into a negative realm, the world comes to an end. The key to a good marriage is stability, not shifting feelings.

Shared Values Are More Important Than Shared Interest

Couples typically have many conversations about mutual interests such as hobbies, entertainment, vacations, etc. and these conversations may help strengthen their relationships, but they are not a predictor of whether they will have a happy marriage.

The real deal is more serious:

• What are your values in terms of family?
• How are you going to manage finances?
• How important is religion for you?

While such questions are far from being romantic, they show whether you and your partner share the same vision about the future.

Two people might have the same tastes when it comes to movies, eating out and traveling but have absolutely different plans for their future.

Character Says More than Just Charismatic

Being charismatic is charming.

Being confident is charming.

Having great conversations is charming.

But all of those things do not mean that they say anything about a person’s character. Character gets displayed through the actions, the consistency, and the way a person behaves. See how a person deals with disappointments. 

At first, anyone can be charming in a relationship. But very few of them can maintain that charm in the challenging times of life. The character of a person will definitely get exposed to you. The only thing is, will you give yourself enough time to see it?

Don’t Marry Someone’s Potential

The mistake made in many relationships is the one of loving someone for their potential instead of their true self.

We hear people say stuff like:

• “Once we get married he’ll turn out differently.”
• “She’ll grow up and become more responsible at some point in the future.”
• “It’ll all be better after settling down and having children.”
• “They only need time to grow up.”

Of course there is room for growth. People do change. Yet marriage must never be an expectation that someone will transform themselves into an entirely new individual.

Compatibility is much more than just an attraction.

Attraction can be described as one of the key elements in any romantic relationship and thus should not be overlooked. Attraction forms a very important part of compatibility; however, it doesn’t account for the totality or entirety of compatibility.

True compatibility includes:

• Emotional compatibility
• Financial compatibility
• Lifestyle compatibility
• Communication compatibility
• Spiritual compatibility
• Long-term vision compatibility

The best pairs do not always feature the highest level of chemistry. These are the pairs who have learned to collaborate and strive for common goals.

Attraction initiates a relationship while compatibility sustains it.

Be Confident in Asking Difficult Questions From the Start

Not many of us like to ask difficult or uncomfortable questions because we think it will cause a conflict, but by not asking these questions now, you are only delaying problems from coming up later, as there will be issues no matter how long you wait to discuss them. Before getting into a committed relationship, ensure to discuss the issues which are vital to both your happiness and relationship success.

• Discuss your expectations.
• Discuss your financial situation.
• Discuss your family background.
• Discuss your aspirations.
• Discuss your responsibilities.
• Discuss how you view marriage as an institution.

Choose With Both Heart and Mind

The desire for love and romance is so ingrained it seems natural to have it. This is a very important part of a good marriage.

The problem comes if one thinks this is sufficient in itself.

A wise choice is always the one where both your heart and mind cooperate in equal measure. Emotions may attract you towards someone but it is only wisdom that tells you whether he or she is a good choice for you and the rest of your life together.

Selecting a life partner is never just about picking out someone who suits you right now.

Your choice should not be about your emotions but about making sure that this person is worthy of you tomorrow and in years to come.

Choose well. Choose wisely. Everything else depends on it.